Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Personal post to all of you!


Just sharing non-crafty stuff......

Our design team grew by 2 feet and again 2 feet.
Teresa is a Grandma again and Samantha is a new mommy again!!! 
Congratulations...


We have also had some disappointments within the team. 
Most of those are personal and I would never share that of the others.... 
But they could REALLY use some prayers.... 

Here is my quote that is perfect for this year......

"I know God will not give me anything I can't handle.
 I just wish that He didn't trust me so much." - Mother Theresa 


On a VERY personal note from me.... 

So much has happened in my personal life that has affected my business. 
After some time of a separation, we have decided to divorce and go our own ways. 
It has actually been like that for years.  But I finally realized that it was not good for my health to be effected anymore. Crohn's is directly effected by stress. so the arguing and everything else, has effected my health and MY business. I have also dealt with emotional, verbal and in the end physical abuse.  Which will now be something I will be passionate about supporting.  I have not shared this for 7 years. My family has suspected it for a LONG time and I always denied it. But there was a Ustream one night when I was brutally verbally assaulted  and in the end physically bending my arm behind my back. Well when that happens there is no hiding it when people are watching and listening online. My design team was there and they were worried and so concerned for me. I tried to pretend like it didn't bother me, like I have for 7 years. But.... when someone else sees it, it is hard to deny. So then more and more happened and I just couldn't take it anymore. 
One day in from of Bella and my mom I was told I was stupid and have not made a good choice in 2 years. This past two years was us being separated yet trying to do what was best for Bella. 
But it is not best for her to see her mom treated like that. I am not going to go into more details about this. I really just want to learn and move on. I have started doing things for me to make ME happy, and I have been! This past week was wonderful, I had such a nice week (other than the flood) So upwards and upwards. Live and learn. I also know that many of you are watching Bella grow up and you feel connected to her, don't worry she is my #1 most important thing through all of this. But I really am happy. She will also see this and be happy too! It is better for her AND I. 


I shared this on facebook but not here.... 

I have been continuing to receive messages to help replace some of my crafting items from the flood I had....  I cannot thank you all enough. I REALLY was surprised, overwhelmed and touched.  I had posted this on facebook and I wanted to share it with all of you in case you did not see it. I cannot get over the kind and generous hearts that you all have....

  I just wanted to take a quick minute to thank you all for the prayers and support about the flood.... a few things...
1. Prayers please (ALWAYS accepted)

2. I have had an overwhelming response of friends wanting to help replace some items.... Please don't take this as rude, (PLEASE don't) I must respectfully decline, over time I will be able to replace the items. I don't 
want anyone to think I posted about the flood issue for sympathy or for donations.... I share my life with you all so you know other people go through the same trials and tribulations as you do. Most of you know I have Celiac, Crohns and Rheumatoid Arthritis (RA). Because of those I am easily susceptible to catch other illnesses like colds and the flu. My immune system is low so it is hard to fight infection. Then I am on Methorexate (a form of chemo- but NOT for cancer) it helps the RA and Crohns. But because of what it is.... it wipes my immune system out.

3. I do what I do and share what I can (my crafting knowledge and experiences) I like to show how someone can make something great, but makes mistakes along the way. I have done many LIVE Ustream broadcasts and made mistakes live, when I do there is always at least one person who say "it is nice to know I am not the only one who does that" It also helps some others to not make the mistake I did.

4. I have watched some of my crafting friends who blog go through some rough times but no one knows about it. They are some of the "Popular" big name bloggers in the Cricut/Crafting world. I wish sometimes they would share those. I have shared a little bit about my life with my friends.... some of them just look you and wonder how they never knew that about me. I do not share my experiences or downfalls for sympathy. I share them so you know I am a normal person just like all of you. I have found that some people like that and I feel approachable. Some of my friends have said they messaged some of the other bloggers and they never answered. I even hate to ask my friends, who are "popular" bloggers, questions because I know they are busy and my little question might not be that important for them to take time in their busy day to answer my question. I always feel like I am bothering someone by asking them questions. I get a message "I am no one important, but I have a question ....... " Well to me each person is important. They seem surprised when I answer them. I hope by talking to you all on Ustream like you are sitting at the table with me makes you feel like you "know me" and then you feel comfortable asking me a question.

5. Each day when I wake up, I count my blessing and thank God that he was blessed me with a healthy little girl, that I woke up that day, and on to thank him for a home....etc. I know some people only pray when they need help with something.... But during good and bad times I pray. On that note the same with my life experiences..... I share the good moments with all of you AND the not so good things. I know I have looked at some of my friends and thought, "WOW, they have the perfect life" Ten when I talk with them and get to know them better, I find out it may not be so perfect..... no one can know what it is like to walk in someone else's shoes. Similarly no one can know what is going on in your mind and what you go through. Most people don't share those things. And others think they have the perfect life (I have found, no one has a PERFECT life) So I share my good and not good days with you all to hopefully let you know you are not alone in how you feel and that my life is FAR from perfect. But hopefully it gives you some inspiration or strength to get you through what you are going through. I share those things with you to inspire you, against the odds you can get through the same things. Some days we may feel defeated but I try to set an example of positive mindset to get through it. Trust me I have some days where I want to quit, not fight, and just stay in bed all day. Many of us have those days. I just want to show you that can have a positive or negative attitude toward something and it directly effects the outcome of the situation.

6. A while back I had a ustream at my old house. There was a situation of a person who was STRONGLY verbally and emotionally abusive..... which lead to other things that I cannot talk about right now, but it was not good. I was not a one time thing, but it was the first time anyone saw or knew of it. You will find out eventually what it was, because I will be an advocate for this issue at a later date. This issue has effected so many other things in my life and when I can talk about, it will make sense to many of you why something things have happened with my blog and business.

7. I try to do as much as I can for other people, but for me to ask or accept help.... it is so hard for me to do, thus I rarely do. I have had some great friends who have not allowed me to say no to help, they help and don't give me a choice about it ♥ you all for that!!!!!

8. I left my concerns of yesterday, stay in yesterday. Today is a new day and new things can happen. So far I am great and have a positive attitude for today!

9. The reason why the insurance company will not cover it.... It is in a drain below the house thus being considered outside of the home, it there was an issue with the foundation or the perimeter walls it would need to be covered by the owner's homeowners insurance. Renters insurance is NOT the same as homeowners, which is why it is not covered. A renter would actually have to have a rider added to the policy for it to be covered and the possessions that would be damaged from it. I have done extensive research and it is a grey area if it is the renter or home owner.... BUT in this case it is not covered by either. My attorney has checked into both sides of it.... and I am out of luck with it! So I just have to get my rubber gloves, a face mask to not breathe the mildew and such in, and put my big girl panties on and just do it! I am going to vent all of my stress into the demo and reconstruction! I am actually looking forward to it!

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do not take it as rude, but there are so many other people out there who lose their jobs and homes... I am fortunate enough that I will be ok and over time I will be able to replace most of what was damaged. I would rather someone make a donation to a good cause (or make cards for Sunshine and Smiles :) They REALLY need help and inspiration!
So while I appreciate the offer, in a good conscience I cannot accept help to replace what was damaged. I am so sorry.

Again PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do not misinterpret this as rude. I know there will be at least one person who will (and they will send me a nasty gram (a mean email) saying such, but some people feel entitled to do so. They think it is their place to judge me and contact me to express those thoughts. But I know there is the other 98% of people who will not take this in the negative way. There really is no way to make EVERYONE happy, but I try as much as I can.

13 comments:

Sharla said...

I think that you are defintely on the right path to happiness for you and for your Bella. I was in a emotional, verbal, and at times physically abusive marriage for 11 years. Getting out was the best decision for me and my children. It was and is still hard, it's hard on the kids to go through a divorce, but if Bella sees you happy and positive it will be so much better for her and you both. My kids were a little older when I got out and I wish I would have gotten out sooner. My thoughts and prayers for you at this time, it will be hard, but hopefully you have peace in your heart and know you are in a place to create your own happiness.

Heather Lynn said...

You know I am here for you, Erica! So glad that you are on your way to being happy!! Love ya!!!

HL

My Cricut Craft Room said...

I totally agree, thank you so much! I have peace in my heart now, so onto good thins!

My Cricut Craft Room said...

Thank you girl! I just need to get out of this funk and hang out with you again

Jessica S said...

I am so happy you are finally seeing some happiness in your life. You deserve it! You are not alone and have tons of support. Onwards and Upwards!!! I will continue to pray for your piece of mind, positive growth as a mother and daughter to continue, and that your business will thrive! Hugs and Love!
:O)

Teresa said...

Erica you do what you need to do for you and that precious daughter of yours. Thanks for all you provide for the crafting world. Prayers and love coming your way!

Marianne said...

HUGS AND PRAYERS TO EVERYONE IN NEED! You are one strong woman Erica!! Thank you for sharing your personal side with us.

TeresaK said...

You know my thoughts and best wishes are with you Erica! You are a strong woman, creative and smart - - so you can make the best of any situation if you just put your mind and your efforts where they need to be!
Hugs to you my friend!

lisacustomscrapbooking said...

Erica you are doing what is best for yourself and for bella in my opinion. Seeing ur mom hit or in my case choked is not something I would ever let my child be a part of. Growing up as a child seeing a man hurt a woman rather it be physical or verbal or again in my case both is very hard on a child. I know sometimes we think we can hide the pain or the marks from others but just keep in mind that a child living in the home grows and sees or hears more than you think. I dont even want to think of what would of happen if i didnt come up the stairs the night my dad was choking my mom. I have never said a word to anyone about this but I wanted you to know that I know its hard but you have to protect yourself and bella. And I know you will and you do. I just wanted you to hear from a child's view. Lots of prayers and hugs to you and bella.

Sarah Mae said...

Erica, I've only been in blogland and following for a few months. But, from the way you talk about Bella, your friends and just about every person you meet it's easy to tell that you have a truly beautiful spirit and you deserve to have happiness in your life! I will put you and Bella on my prayer list and I hope your spirits continue to lift every day. :)

Melissa said...

I am so happy that you have made this decision, verbal, physical and mental abuse is just not a good situation. There are times where you just have to do what's best for you and the people involved. I will keep you and your family in my prayers! Take care....

Creative Mine by Maria said...

Hello Erica I had not followed in sometime now because I had been so busy and I just started following your blog again by joining your recent 100 blog hop. I am sad to hear that you were going through some difficult times in your marriage but I hope and pray that you will be happier and have a wonderful future ahead. Keep your faith and know there are bigger and better things that await you and Bella. Keeping you in prayear and wishing you all the best (((HUGS)))

Trina said...

I read your blog in google reader and had starred this post so that I could comment. I want to let you know I think it is strong to make the decisions you have made. I will lift up in prayer you, your daughter and your ex. I pray that you have the continuous support that is needed during times of transition.